More Than a Mrs.

Social Media is currently in an uproar. It's quite delicious actually. Ciara (former 2-star entertainer, now sole WIFE because honestly, what else does she do besides swoon over her husband these days?) posted an excerpt from a "sermon" directed at single women. She captioned it "#LevelUp". The excerpt came from this video that occurred during a Women's Conference. The key takeaway from the video was "Too many women want to be married but you're walking in the spirit of 'girlfriend'". Amazing how much better Ciara suddenly is than every other single woman because she is now married. I guess her slate was wiped clean once she got that ring right?

Ironically, I posted a Facebook post about this exact topic a couple of weeks ago. It read:

Yesterday was our first day back from break, and naturally, my students had a ton of questions about my break. They’re very interested in my personal life- and most questions revolve around Bossman. Some know I have a significant other, and a few know we’ve been together for quite some time now.

Within the last year, most conversations revolve around marriage between the two of us. My students from last year wanted to know if “he put a ring on it yet?” for Christmas. Society sets up a timeline for women, and it’s as if our entire existence revolves around us being tied to a man and starting a family.

Make no mistake, those are our plans for the future, but those that truly know me understand my obsession with SELF! My self-love lends towards me being my OWN woman. Please be clear that I cannot be his wife until I have established my own foundation as my own woman. Let me say that again: I CANNOT BE A (GOOD) WIFE UNTIL I HAVE ESTABLISHED MY OWN FOUNDATION AS MY OWN WOMAN.

I am sewing the seeds for my career in education law. I am graduating with my Masters from one of the nation’s top university’s this year. Nobody asks me about those things though! Everyone is obsessed with the timeline in our relationship and it’s offensive actually because I’m so much more than Bossman’s longterm girlfriend and future wife! I don’t work this hard to be reduced to such either! I’m MOST proud of my accomplishments and you’ll see me brag about that before I brag about bagging a man, idc idc idc!

Not that an explanation is owed, but he and I will be going on 6 years (CONSECUTIVELY- yep, we’ve never broken up, been on a break, none of that! I’ve annoyed him for 6 straight years) on Sunday. Husband or not, Bossman has ALWAYS put me and my goals first. The sacrifices he has made so that I can chase my dreams are like no other. Also know- if our plans weren’t to build a future together, I wouldn’t still be here. What we discuss in private is no ones business though.

When Bossman gets down on bended knee for me, he’ll be proposing to a GROWN, educated woman, who knows who she is, what she wants, and what she won’t accept. I couldn’t even imagine being his wife as the little girl I was before, tuh. Please know that when he makes me his wife, he will have the level up of a lifetime because by then, I’ll bring so much to the table- I WILL be the table *hair flip* ALSO know that we will be financially able to have the most extra wedding because I know you guys expect nothing less from me lol.

For all of you ladies who feel societal pressures to abide by a timeline for your life, please just do you! You have every right to live your life according to your timing, and more importantly, God’s timing. That timing has NOTHING to do with society, family, or friends. Never lose yourself in your partner! YOU. COME. FIRST! Your goals come first! You are enough before a partner and with or without a partner.

I could also go on and on about how society places this pressure on women to settle down so quickly but no one is really raising men to do the same so then young girls get married to boys who aren’t truly ready, but I’m going to shut up now. Just know that the woman I am, requires a fully equipped man, period. You’re growing up BEFORE you’re my husband. I won’t allow a man to use our marriage as a time to find himself as a person and you ladies shouldn’t do so either. You deserve so much more.

I love you ladies! Love life. Love self!

After posting this, I received many, many text messages from friends about the post. Many of them explained that they were going through the same thing. Some even detailed how they were encouraged to scale back on their career goals to instead focus on building a family and tending to their husband! While many friends and family are well intentioned, this frame of thought is TOXIC.

While society has not fully reached the point of treating women with all of the respect AND pay that they deserve (hey Monique, hey Tracee), we have progressed enough in this day and age where marriage is NOT the end all, be all! Gone are the days where a woman's sole responsibility was to take care of house and home. Women are making strides and to reduce them down to their marital status is disgusting!

On another day, we will discuss the Black Church and how Career Religious Influensters prey upon Black single women and push marriage down their throats detailing all that they are doing wrong and why they have not secured their Boaz yet- again, on another day.

Let me say it again for the people in the back- we are MORE than a Mrs. PLEASE know that even when Bossman and I get married, I am Kiy(a) FIRST and ALWAYS! By then, I will be Kiy(a), M.S.Ed and maybe even Kiy(a), J.D. | Esq. Those titles will forever mean more to me than Mrs. I am more than a man. NEVER fix your lips to reduce me to just his wife.

Stuntin' + Shining,

Kiy(a)

Check out my YouTube video discussing how long a woman should wait for an engagement ring. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel while you're here <3