Breaking Generational Curses

I am the product of curses bestowed upon my family from the sins of the generations whom came before. Many of us are; I am surely not alone. I am carrying the weight of those sins upon my shoulders as I aim to lay them to rest before bringing the next generation into this world.

Today, I reflect. I think about the amount of depression plaguing my generation (Millennials). Social media makes it seem that depression is running rampant. I am reminded of the hurt & hardships of those that came before us. I think they were depressed as well, my generation is just the first to face this issue head on and openly. While we Millennials are focused on undoing a lot of the previous damage & reclaiming how to approach things (i.e. creating job titles & refusing to subscribe to the notion of remaining loyal to a company that does not value you), we are falling into some of the same cycles that those before us did (i.e. broken homes & financial instability- though I know this specific point has a lot to do with today's economy, a convo for another day).

Both my mother and father had a son of their own before coming together and having me. When that did not work, they went about their business and had children with other people. As a result, I have two older brothers (one on each side), two younger brothers (one on each side), and two younger sisters (one on each side). I spent more time with some siblings because we lived under the same roof, while other siblings I barely even know. As an adult, I want to have relationships with these people that I share an immediate bloodline with but it is so difficult when we are so far removed from one another due to physical distance & emotional/mental distance.

Vulnerability in my reflections: I think about how it felt growing up with a stepmom. While she and I now have an amazing relationship, it was not a relationship that developed overnight. Even as an adult, I stand by the fact that I will never have the same relationship with her that my sister (her daughter) and her have. I decided at a very young age that I NEVER wanted my children to grow up feeling the way I felt. As a result, I became very specific in how I wanted to bring children in this world.

1. I wanted to be married first.

2. The person I married could not have any children.

3. I had to obtain my degree before marriage.

4. My partner would also need to obtain a degree.

5. We would both need to be financially established before marriage or children.

I am (unfortunately) at the age where people look at me like I have three heads when they see I am not married and do not have kids (this expectation is more odd than the fact that I’m unmarried & childless but I digress). I do not think people value the generational curses I am trying to break. They do not see the value in me taking my time to build the foundation for my future family. Forgive me if I want my children to grow up in a household with two college educated parents. Forgive me if I want to be able to provide for my children without deciding between basic necessities or luxuries. Forgive me if I want my children to share the same mother and father. Forgive me if my partner and I want to live and love selfishly without the worry of children or finances. Forgive me for dodging side chicks and step kids and opting in for simplicity and stability. Please, forgive me.

I am the product of curses bestowed upon my family from the sins of the generations whom came before. Many of us are; My children will NOT be. I am carrying the weight of those sins upon my shoulders as I aim to lay them to rest before bringing the next generation into this world. This work will enable my legacy to be free of chains. Are you enabling your legacy to do the same?

Stuntin' + Shining

@BlackElleWoodz