A Word About Godfidence†
Updated: Apr 10, 2020
I just posted yesterday, yet here I am with ANOTHER ONE *DJ Khaled voice* lol. It was placed on my heart to write this while I was driving to work this morning. I try to do Praise + Worship in the morning (it does not always work because I get to hysterically crying lol). Anyways, I have been called stuck-up and bougie so many times in my life, I no longer take offense to it. I can admit that it really used to offend me. I used to fixate upon what I could do differently to avoid this perception. Luckily, those days are LONG gone and I do not particularly care much about how I am perceived by others. I do carry myself a certain way because not only do I represent myself, but I represent my God, my family, my man, and anyone associated with me. This is more of a moral code that I abide by rather than attempting to be seen in a certain light by others. I hope this makes sense.
Moving along... When I entered into my first year of teaching last year, I did not think much about how my colleagues would perceive me. I entered my classroom with an open heart and an open mind. I was simply HAPPY to be there. I wanted to be the best teacher possible. Not for me, not for recognition, but because my students deserved that. They did not ask for me to be there, I asked to be there, and as such, I owed them my best self every single day of the week. Despite it being my first year, I KNEW I was a pretty good teacher. I will not sit here and pretend that it came naturally. While I did have a genuine knack for building relationships with my students, everything else came with HARD work. Through Teach For America, I networked with my fellow Corps Members. I had conversations and took those conversations to heart! I implemented many of the suggested strategies and activities in my classroom. I enrolled in grad school for my Masters of Science in Education and did my school work thoroughly. I made sure to take my learnings and apply them to my teaching. I was open to observation, and more importantly, I was open to feedback. Because I was putting in the necessary work on my end, I felt secure in how I showed up in my classroom. I never felt stressed nor overwhelmed during my first year of teaching. Those that know me know that my school underwent unique circumstances during my first year (try losing all parties of administration before the school year is over!). Despite those circumstances and others, I can say with full confidence that I ROCKED my first year and enjoyed it so much. It never occurred to me how my confidence came off to my colleagues until after the school year was over.
During a summer professional development (ugh), I was speaking to one of my colleagues. She is one that I rarely ever spoke to, but she had observed my classroom on multiple occasions and always had great things to say. She is positivity personified. As we caught up, our conversation shifted to Teach For America. She did not know I was a Corps Member, and I explained to her my entire process. In short, I explained to her how I prayed HARD for this. I prayed for acceptance into the organization, to be placed in my region, to teach English Language Arts, to teach 6th grade, AND, when I interviewed with various Principals, I prayed to get a job here at our school. Her face lit up and she said “Wow, I did not know this, but now it makes sense.” I asked her what she meant and she stated “Last year, you walked around with such a confidence- to some, it may have come off as arrogant or cocky- I never took it that way, but now I understand. You worked for this, you prayed for this and He placed you here. It all makes sense.”
I grew up in the church. No really, GREW UP IN THE CHURCH! There were rarely any nights throughout the week that I was not in church. Choir Practice, Bible Study, Praise Dance/Mime Practice, Revival, I mean seriously, it was always something. My church had an organization called Daughters of Excellence. There, we learned all about carrying ourselves as royalty. After all, my Father is THE King. We are children of THE Most High God and my sense of security and the confidence I exude comes from Him and only Him.
“I'm walking in authority. Living life without apology. It's not wrong, dear. I belong here. So you might as well get used to me.”
I know a lot of people like to get in the mindset of “humbling” people, but baby, I cannot be humbled. I know I was placed on this earth for a divine purpose. I know that my steps are ordered. I know that if I ask for it, and it is in His will, He will make a way. I know that this is something that bothers a lot of people about me, but that is fine. I am absolutely not sorry.
I have never been an obnoxious Christian. You guys KNOW the ones I am talking about. I have never felt the need to shove the Bible down people’s throats, force them to go to church, or cast judgement upon decisions they have chosen to make. I instead take the route of living my best life and sharing my testimony. When I am going through hard times, I have NO problem being transparent and telling people that the struggle is real! When God comes through (as always), and they see His light within me, I make sure to give all glory, honor, and praise to Him and let people know that it is ALL Him. I feel like this will make people want to try Him for themselves versus trying to force it on people.
As a teenager when Mary Mary released God In Me, I can admit that I loved the song because of the beat. A decade later, the words resonate with me so much it is crazy. I can never take full credit for the life that I live and love. All thanks goes to my God. I want to be VERY clear and let you all know that I do my part and work for the things I pray for, but my work alone is not enough, just like my faith alone is not enough. James 2:17 states “Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead” and I live by that. Yet it remains, this air that I exude is simply God within me. It is His light shining through. I will never dim that light because it is a living testimony of the works that He has done. I am secure in everything I do because I consulted my God first and asked Him to place me there if it was in His will.
When people call me stuck-up, arrogant, cocky, I never allow it to bother me. Jesus died on the cross for me. The LEAST I can do is allow His light to shine through me. I walk, breathe, and live in my Godfidence. I challenge you to do the same. Never EVER dim your light because of the discomfort of others. How dare you turn the God in you down for man when it is He that resides within you and guides you daily?
Stuntin' + Shining